Letter to my 10 year old self

To the 10 year old me
Today you will taste the first feeling of age
If you stretch your fingers up in the air, you’ll feel the storm wind coming
Breathe in this smell of summer and lavander
The smell of too many heartbreaks to come
Nana
I am so sorry.
You have dreams of love and beauty
But I let you down
This fighter inside of you
Has turned herself up against me over time
Step by step I have cut myself off of you
And now I can’t recognize my reflection in the mirror
I have build myself a well
And thrown countless unremembered nights in it
I have killed your hopeful love on the altar of fear
And never have I been able to shake off its smell of lavander
I am sorry
I know you can’t forgive me
But try to understand
I was lost
Gradually, screams have replaced the whispers
And I couldn’t hear your voice anymore
The sneaky paths of violence have found their way to you
Slapping your face with womanhood
When you couldn’t handle the melody of life yet
Don’t worry, you’ll learn to sing along
There will be moments when you will reach the stars
Moments when you will lose your breath but still keep on running
There will be magical nights and irreplaceable friendships
And, tell me,
Isn’t it all worth it in the end?
10 year old me
Don’t let them.
Don’t ever let them.
Don’t let them touch you in the dark.
Don’t let them tell you you are worthless
Don’t forget you will always be so much more than what they say
I am still trying
Nana
Don’t be afraid to change
Cut lose the dead and don’t dwell on your scars
Put on a smile every single day
Trust me, people will like you more that way
And you’ll learn to soothe your self-hatred
10 year old Nana
Be kinder to yourself, because
I am not sure
But I like to think it’s all gonna be ok
Somehow.

Jardins Secrets

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Ecarte tes bras et laisse le vent te traverser
Laisse-moi t’entourer de mes mains, de mes bras
Ferme tes yeux et enfouis-toi dans l’oubli

Le tremblement de tes doigts et ton regard caché
Quand on se touche et quand je te quitte
Quand l’on se cache nos larmes

Tout s’enroule, s’entasse, s’écrase et se déroule
Je sens le poids et la douleur
C’était si facile de t’aimer

Et nos doigts enlacés s’entrecroisaient
Mais jamais nos mains ne se saisissaient
Viens me serrer, m’embrasser
Viens m’aimer

Combien je t’aime et combien je t’oublie
Le vertige et le saut
Dépouille-moi de tout mot, de toute pensée
Prends-moi entière et fonds-moi en toi
Je veux te vivre et t’oublier
Laisse-moi t’aimer et te quitter

Insaisissables, inséparables
Tu m’échappes et je ne peux pas être retenue
Je me sens si jeune sous un ciel si vieux
Si fragile sous un coeur si dur

Je me souviens du goût de tes lèvres
De la douceur de ta peau
Ton rire et ta tendresse
Au fil de la chute de nos vêtements

Nos jardins secrets
Où je pensais en te parlant
Sous le ciel caché derrière les arbres

Rions, courons et perdons-nous
Sur le chemin des rêves
Sur la voie des étoiles

Beyond Everything

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Headphones on
Play it
Play me
Like it builds you from scratch again
Fractured stones picked up from the concrete
Under the skies’ blue, grey, lilac clouds
Hit me until every atom begins to glow on my skin
Carry me upon iced waters
My breath violated in its freedom, unable to reach God’s hand
Heal me with your touch
Love is the glue that keeps my torn soul together
Love me, like there is no way out of this life
Give me colours and let me brush up the fantastic painting of our disaster
Leaking beyond the frames
Nothing can keep us together in the space that was given to us
There is
Too little time
Too much to feel and breathe
It feels as if the earth wasn’t able to hold out the sky any longer
The crash
Unbearable, yet unescapable
So hold me tight and dive into me
Creep into my skin
Embrace my self-destructing being
Let us be as one
Like waves kissing the sand beneath them
Like stars scattered on infinity’s picture
You are my sun, my warmth, my blood
My will to live, my life
Erase the nightmares and the anxiety seeded within me
Take it all and burn it
Until there remains light
Only light
Beyond everything
Beyond you and me

 

Take Me Back

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Take me back
Let me jump
Let me open my eyes
Let me drink it all
Take me back
Until I fall

Take me back
Hard-core beats and sweet
Oh so sweet sugar
Crawling up my veins
Take me back
Until I fall
 
Take me back
Blurry neons and dark alleys
Uncoordinated laughs and fantastic moves
Following the rhythm of intoxication
Take me back
Until I fall
 
Take me back
To cravings too strong
To heavy hearts and light heads
To furious sex and sweet promises
Take me back
Until I fall
 
Take me back
Until I fall
Never to awake

Support My Poetry

I am passionate about beauty. I try to find it in everything, observe myself and the ones around me so I can catch the spark that makes a moment true and genuine.
And then, I write about it. So I can not forget this moment, so I can remember what I’m here for.
I hope that I’ll be able to convey these moments to you.
With your help, I hope I can increase my potential, push my creative barriers, and, who knows, maybe get published some day. 
I literally do not own anything except for my pen and my piece of paper right now, but I hope that my voice can somehow reach beyond the void to be heard by you.
Art is made to be seen, touched, felt, read, heard so as to catch a glimpse of who we are in relation to the world, to ourselves and the ones around us. 
I will do my best to attempt to let you see through the cracks.

http://www.patreon.com/user?u=86946