Crested Dandelions

pissenlit

I wanted to hurt hard
I wanted to run fast
I wanted to write the story of my soul and burn the words onto my skin
I pledged allegiance to the word
I had faith in the layout of letters, drawing a pattern inside my picture frame
Giving me an answer
Something to hold on to in the darkest of nights
Something that told me what I should do to become who I should be

I tried to burn and glow so people could see me
Tried to replace my question marks with exclamation points
I tried to reach for the sun, like a wave, knowing I’d crash down
I punched life hard and laughed when it punched back
I ravelled at the taste of tears and blood covering my broken body
I willingly dived into a world of madness and fury
Where words would cover other words and build my mausoleum
Where snowflakes would hover over the sea
My feet sinking under the foam of cold waves
Freezing

But now I run so fast I forget how to breathe
I feel like throwing up but still I feel empty
Still the silence at night is too loud for me to bear
Still I cry when I see the train arrive
And you’re not there
Still I feel trapped between the walls I built myself
Trapped by endlessly repeated words
Empty prayers in a loop I once thought would save me

And in a deep sleep I dream of being free
Like the glittery dust that flies in a ray of sunlight
Like open palms and closed eyes
Free, like a hand that lets go
Free, like crested dandelions dancing in the wind
Free, like a breath, like a kiss
Free to turn around and see you
And tell you the story of who you are
To me

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