I am sorry

I am sorry
My fists are clenched and my breath is heavy
I write because I cannot talk yet
Or else I would scream

I am sorry
We’re just like two bulls storming in the arena
And I have to hit you to keep myself from bleeding

I am sorry
I can read your story in the sadness of eyes
And the scars on your face
But still I hit, and I hit until you fall

I am sorry
Your hurt is inextricably linked to mine
The needles sinking deep into our skin
I wish I could take care of you and love you
But you keep pushing me away
And if I’m being honest
Sometimes I just don’t care

I am sorry
I see you die a little more each day
Your bottle of hope each night a little more empty
Your soul so dry it cannot sing no more

I am sorry
That I cannot save you and make you see the colours again
That I cannot make you smile

I am sorry
I don’t know how we got here
We’re lost in the space between us two
Falling off our dreams
And I don’t have the strength to carry you anymore

I am sorry
We have turned each other into monsters
And we have lost the antidote to our poison

I am sorry
For loving you
For killing us
For not having the strength to leave you.

 

 

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For You – N. E. Skull

poetry by skull

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I don’t want to write about him.

He doesn’t inspire me like you used to.

There were sonnets in the arch of your back.

Your lips have been written about a thousand times before.

Damocles’ blade was in your shoulder,

And Samson in your hair.

If you are a painting,

He is negative space.

In him, I see only your absence.

In me, he sees it, too.

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Quand tu es là

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Je ne sais jamais avec toi
Si c’est pour toujours ou si au contraire
Ça n’a jamais existé

C’est si doux quand tu es là
Je me demande même si tu sais
Que jamais je ne me remettrai de toi

C’est si fragile quand tu es là
Je suis comme un oiseau qui a perdu ses ailes

Mon coeur s’affole quand je te vois
Car j’ai si peur de la solitude
Sans toi

Tu sais bien que je t’aime trop
Je n’arrive pas à le cacher
Je sens que tu partiras
Comme le dernier jour d’été

C’est si tendre quand tu es là
Je ris, demain je pleurerai
Je veux profiter de chaque instant de toi
Car je sais qu’avec toi je m’en irai
Et je ne me retrouverai plus

C’est si beau quand tu es là
Comme un vieux rêve de voyage
J’aime, j’adore et j’abandonne
Je ne peux que passer

C’est si triste quand tu es là
Quand je te regarde et que je vois
Que je vivrai sans toi

Crested Dandelions

pissenlit

I wanted to hurt hard
I wanted to run fast
I wanted to write the story of my soul and burn the words onto my skin
I pledged allegiance to the word
I had faith in the layout of letters, drawing a pattern inside my picture frame
Giving me an answer
Something to hold on to in the darkest of nights
Something that told me what I should do to become who I should be

I tried to burn and glow so people could see me
Tried to replace my question marks with exclamation points
I tried to reach for the sun, like a wave, knowing I’d crash down
I punched life hard and laughed when it punched back
I ravelled at the taste of tears and blood covering my broken body
I willingly dived into a world of madness and fury
Where words would cover other words and build my mausoleum
Where snowflakes would hover over the sea
My feet sinking under the foam of cold waves
Freezing

But now I run so fast I forget how to breathe
I feel like throwing up but still I feel empty
Still the silence at night is too loud for me to bear
Still I cry when I see the train arrive
And you’re not there
Still I feel trapped between the walls I built myself
Trapped by endlessly repeated words
Empty prayers in a loop I once thought would save me

And in a deep sleep I dream of being free
Like the glittery dust that flies in a ray of sunlight
Like open palms and closed eyes
Free, like a hand that lets go
Free, like crested dandelions dancing in the wind
Free, like a breath, like a kiss
Free to turn around and see you
And tell you the story of who you are
To me