Being 18

Being 18, it’s like a roller-coaster
It’s lazy mornings and nights of heavy drinking
Mornings when you can’t find your pants
And nights of panicky essay writing
It is the feeling of floating in the night
Of lonely walks back home
Of wondering why you still feel just as lonely as before
It means believing and fighting for a higher purpose
Becoming political, becoming relevant and somewhat intellectual
It is drinking coffee to look smart
And smoking pot to look fun
It is falling in love and trying to keep your distance
It is fucking up your friendship with a one-time hook-up
And creating real magic that stays with you forever
It is, as everyone says and as you tell yourself, the time of your life
The time when you know you’ll never be that young again
And everyday you feel older and the years already pile up
And you feel the angst of not achieving enough,
Already.
18, it is the hours and days wasted on procrastination
It is the age of trying to figure out Understanding
Of learning what’s right and wrong all over again
Of being lost all together in a world that is too loud
It is screaming to cover up the inner silence
It is trying to find a friend to love
And a lover to like
It is, first and foremost, trying to find a fix for the night
And turn up the music too loud
It is the feeling of desperation
When you see yourself not grabbing life
It is the feeling of regret
When you see your reflection in the mirror
And face all the bad decisions
It is the 10-hour conversations at night
When you tell yourself that being anti is cool
Or maybe when you find out that everything you know is wrong
It is the time when one person destroys your mental constructions
When you realise how thin the walls are
And that, if all burns down, now is the time to build anew
Now is the time to jump
Now is the time to become and to act
It is the time to cut the strings that made you float
And start to see, to care and to amaze
Now is the time to become and to find
Yourself.

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